there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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