Already got asked if we're dating
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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