Your face is a jimmy john
I think my fart just growled at me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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