apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
