I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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