And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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