Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so let's talk penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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