then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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