It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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