I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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