yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
