dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
