i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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