Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I wish there were birth control emojis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
