Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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