i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
