I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
