you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
