I got chris browned last night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
