i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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