Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
