She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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