so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
