you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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