she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
