I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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