Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
