I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
