So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
