Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
