Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
