I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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