there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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