can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
