You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
