Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
