It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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