I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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