Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
