i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize