I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drunk is not a location!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
