You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ttyl tear gas
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
