Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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