Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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