Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize