Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
