So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
