I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
