The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
