dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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