i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
where am i from again
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
