If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
