Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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