I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
