just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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