I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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