After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
