I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
