its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
