The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
