Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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