so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
