He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
