My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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