Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
