Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
