remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What a dumb baby whore.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
