Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
