Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
