i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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