Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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