did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just had sex bonerless
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
