Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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