How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
