I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
