they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
