Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
