youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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