I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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