apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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