Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
