i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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