But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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