we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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