well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
