You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
