it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
