i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
