She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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