I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
